Well. I don't know about you guys, but lately I have been thinking to myself; what is the meaning of life? Why are we here doing what we are doing? So really I have been going through a bit of a Existential Crisis...
Is the meaning of life looking back on your past, what you have done and why you did that particular thing at that time? I really think that we do everything for a reason, but that doesn't help me understand why we are doing the things we have to do. What is the point in having a life when all you are doing is working towards your death and everyone you know and love will eventually die and leave you. This is what I think every day, which makes simple things in every day life really hard for me.
Sometime I can just come in from work and lie on the floor for hours because I am trying to think of everything in my life and it comes down to people leaving me when they die. Yes its a bit deep but really, I haven't a clue how too get out of it. Maybe in time I will come to where I want to be in my life and then I will snap out of it but for now I am just looking into my past because I haven't a clue what the future holds and it scares the HELL out of me, this is why it is really hard for me to go out and see my friends..
I have to force myself out of the house, into the scary big world to see them and then sometimes I'm not even the best company. This could be the reason I don't have very many friends, if I have any at all that is. Facing people is just too much energy that I don't have. However the friends that I do have, understand what I am going through and they bear with me whilst I come out of this Existential Crisis and will be there for me when I understand where I am in life.
In the mean time though, I am still going to be contemplating everything that is happening and why it is happening, and will cry myself to sleep at night. But seriously, what even is life? I don't know and I am trying to find out what my life means and all the people in it. I just seem to always be looking back because that's where I feel safe.
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